Sleeping

I survived finals week. Barely. I took 18 credit hours last semester and it about killed me. And right before "dead week," the week leading up to finals during which every student is studying/working until their brains leak from their ears, was Zeta's initiation week. I was stressed out. And then, when I'm stressed, I eat poorly, I gain weight, I get sick, my skin breaks out, I lash out at people so I have conflict in relationships. Everything is bad. I went out one night the weekend of finals and somehow managed to lose my keys. That means my car keys and my swipe to get into my building and to eat. I spent the whole day the next day looking for it, the knot of anxiety winding tighter and tighter as the day waxed on. When about ten drunk girls filed into the building yelling some lyrics to some rap song, I'd had enough and I called my mother. Mama's response after listening to me fume for a while: "Have you prayed about it?" I hadn't, and so I did. And everything started to get just a little bit easier. (I found my keys on my friend, Abby's, desk, btw). 

I'd deserted my faith and tried to take on all of my struggles myself. I was asleep spiritually. My my mother gave me that nudge. She woke me up. 

Mark 14:32-42 "They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33 He took Peter, Jmes and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34 “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” 35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36 “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” 37 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Simon,” he said to Peter, “are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? 38 Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” 39 Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. 40 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him. 41 Returning the third time, he said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 42 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”

Luke 22:39-46 Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. 40 On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” 41 He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. 45 When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. 46 “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”

Sufjan Stevens, He Woke Me Up Again. A beautiful song, beautiful lyrics, and a beautiful man. I wish I could marry him.