TFM?

Fraternity men can be some of the most driven and successful leaders in our society. The greek system teaches them to work hard to achieve success. It teaches them the importance of philanthropy and service. Roles of responsibility are thrust upon them and so many of them flourish in those roles. They find networking and a strong sense of loyalty and community with other men across the nation.

So how come misogyny is rampant in so many of these fraternities? Misogyny’s a big word so let me break it down for you: it means the hatred of women and girls. It can be manifested in sexual discrimination, violence against women, and sexual objectification of women. And much of the “frat” culture encourages this behavior. They tend to have a “boys will be boys” attitude. 

Much stereotypical frattyness can be defined by the term, TFM, meaning, Total Frat Move. Now, I’m speaking stereotypical here. There are plenty of wonderful greek men who treat women with respect and whom these generalizations do not apply to. But  so many fraternity men place on a pedestal this idea of coinciding with this principle of “TFM.” TFM, similar to the FML or MLIA websites if you’ve ever heard of them, is a website with a prodigious following, through their site itself, and through email subscriptions and their twitter handle. Actual fraternity men (and sorority women as there is also a TSM page) post on the site and those posts are open to comments from any members of the site. TFM describes itself as “The #1 college comedy destination on the internet. It embodies the hilarious “frat” comedy that we at GRANDEX came to love back in college. TFM offers a satiric and often unabashedly blunt genre of comedy from the perspective of America’s privileged youth.” Unfortunately it seems that much of the satirical intentions are lost on “America’s privileged youth” and a vast number take these posts which should be taken as jokes, to heart and strive to live by their standards. Their subjects are partying, drinking, sex, money, hazing, and more, all of which are unsupported by the bylaws and creeds of fraternities. Many of these posts are hilarious and relatable, while others simply frighten me that my peers could actually behave and speak in such a manner. 

Some common unsettling phrases used on this site, showing up again and again in comments are “GDI” standing for “God Damn Independent” or a non-greek college student, “I’d pee in her butt” when referring to an attractive girl, or “slampiece,” the degrading term for a woman they are having sex with, and they are constantly saying women have no place outside of the kitchen and should “make them sandwiches.” I promise there are hundreds more, just as bad. But there is one phrase which is particularly upsetting to me: “No means yes and yes means anal.” Otherwise known as rape. TFM, extolled by numbers of Greek men across the US, blatantly supports rape as “hilarious ‘frat’ comedy.” Let me tell you this, TFM: it is not and never will be funny. Rape is not a joke. 

Studies have shown that men who are in fraternities are more likely to commit a rape than those who aren’t and as many as 70-90% of gang rapes reported are committed by fraternity members. As many as 1 in 4 college women become victims of rape during their years in school and a startling 10% of those were believed to have been taken place in fraternity houses. (Do Fraternities Cause Rape Culture).

These statistics are horrifying! But I really do feel that they can change. The majority of my male friends are members of fraternities. I hate for this horrible reputation to represent the fine, upstanding young men whom I love. I want to call you men of the greek system to stand up to this and fight to win back your good name. Show the pigs around you what a real man of character is. Lead by example and speak out! Take back the “frat” lifestyle for the longstanding tradition of leaders and gentleman.

Disturbing video of pledges of Yale's chapter of Delta Kappa Epsilon chanting 
"No means yes, yes means anal" in front of the campus women's center.


Some examples of good fraternity men!

Sigma Chi supports my chapter of Zeta Tau Alpha in Zeta Boot Camp
raising money for our philanthropy, breast cancer education and awareness

Dylan Brewer, member of Alpha Gamma Rho (my boys!! I'm chapter sweetheart<3) 
rides mechanical bull for Buck Off to raise money for their philanthropy

They made me ride too. I lasted like 12 seconds...


Florida Southern College: Chapters and positive involvement